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» Comparing SHL Teams to Restaurant/Fast-Food Chains
Winter is Coming
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:06 PM
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This article is going to attempt to do something unique, by comparing all the current SHL teams to actual restaurant and fast-food chains. My reasoning for each selection might stem from logic, humor, geography, or a combination of the three, but I placed a genuine amount of thought into the fourteen selections I made. I do sincerely hope that this article will be viewed simply as a humor piece and will generate a good amount of laughs among the SHL community. Let’s try and avoid a shit-storm, similar to the one my SHL landscape article was, shall we? http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/tongue/tongue0021.gif

Buffalo Stampede – Buffalo Wild Wings
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The Stampede are one of the newer franchise in the entire league, as they joined alongside the Portland Admirals (now the San Francisco Pride) in S25. Similarly, Buffalo Wild Wings is quite new compared to many other restaurant chains, as they were founded in 1982. In addition, I consider Buffalo Wild Wings to be a chain on the rise in popularity and quality, very similar to how the Stampede are progressing as a team are long-term. It’s also impossible to ignore the connection in the name and logo between both, making such a comparison perfect in detail, appearance, and in name.


Hamilton Steelhawks – Popeyes
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There are many similarities between the Steelhawks franchise and Popeyes, the first being the many rebrands that each organization go through on a consistent basis. The Steelhawks have changed their logo on a more consistent basis than any team in the SHL, while Popeyes is changing their logo and the overlay of their stores every few years, as well. In addition, the Steelhawks possess a multitude of spicy and tasty characters on their team, which directly connects to the types of food that Popeyes prides itself on serving. Popeyes also falls under the spectrum of not being shitty fast-food, but certainly not quite upscale either (though many individual adores their food); Hamilton as a franchise is currently situated somewhere in the middle of the league, but they are a favorite among many, as well.


Manhattan Rage – Shake Shack
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Shake Shack if one of the premier and upscale restaurant chains in the entire country (at least according to many articles and polls conducted), which fits perfectly with the current Eastern Conference champions. In addition, Shake Shack was founded in New York, a state that Manhattan calls home, obviously. There is also the matter of long lines being a common theme at Shake Shack, which typically leaves many customers angry at both the wait time and others taking forever to order their food, though they thoroughly enjoy what they will eventually consume. It’s both this rage and success in quality that connects Shake Shack incredibly well to the Manhattan Rage franchise.

Minnesota Chiefs – Olive Garden
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The Chiefs are situated as being one of the very best teams in the entire league, but they simply haven’t been capable of taking that next jump and qualify for a Challenge Cup (there last appearance was in S18). However, they are still a very successful and stable franchise with a loyal roster. Olive Garden is not considered to be one of the elite restaurant chains, but they are certainly placed in the upper echelon, as they are consistent and delicious. Olive Garden’s ranking aligns quite well with the current position of the Chiefs franchise; very successful and beloved, but just short of being a part of the elite group.



New England Wolfpack – Chipotle
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The Wolfpack have been one of the most consistently successful franchises in the SHL and those who have been attached with the franchise swear by its greatness. However, they are also arguably one of the most hated SHL franchises by those not associated with the team, and defeating them in the playoffs has been a goal for many teams. The most perfect equivalent for a restaurant chain is undoubtedly Chipotle for two primary reasons. First, similar to the Wolfpack, they are one of the most beloved restaurants by those who enjoy their food, which has developed an almost cult following for Chipotle. Second and just as importantly, there is a great deal of people who recognize Chipotle’s greatness, but equally despise the chain because it forces them to take a shit after every time they consume their food. It’s this combination of success, loyalty, and anger that allows this match to make the most sense for both the Wolfpack and Chipotle.


Toronto North Stars – McDonalds
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The Toronto North Stars are often associated as being one of the, if not the first, SHL franchise or perhaps the “classic” team in the league. McDonalds holds a similar distinction, as it’s consistently considered as the first widespread restaurant chain and the originator of such a business philosophy. McDonalds is also considered one of the very worst chains from both a quality and health standpoint, which equates to the North Stars being one of the worst constructed rosters currently in the league. However, McDonalds brings in a ton of revenue regardless of this fact, just as the North Stars have brought in a substantial amount of draft picks, making their value as a team in terms of future success to remain relatively high.


West Kendall: KFC
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Who does not love the colonel's chicken; it's pretty delicious and looks appetizing. West Kendall has one of the most lovable General Managers in the league, as well as one of the very best cats to ever exist in Pushkin. It's our love and appreciation for both KFC and Bojo/Pushkin that makes this the best match, though I admit this was the hardest one to do.


Calgary Dragons – Chick-fil-A
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Calgary has been perhaps the most successful and stable SHL team in recent memory, and I have rarely seen a single person have to say a bad thing about them (Esa is a sweetheart after all). It makes complete sense to use Chick-fil-A as a comparison for the franchise, given the similarities between both entities. Chick-fil-A is arguably the most successful restaurant chain currently, and its product is absolutely adored and recognized by nearly every person with a sensible opinion on food. This resembles the Dragons’ success and the consistent produce that Esa has been able to place on the sim-engine’s ice on a consistent basis.


Edmonton Blizzard - Wendy’s
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In my opinion, Wendy’s is on its way up as a restaurant chain, as the product continues to get better on a yearly basis; this has allowed it to escape the garbage quality category of the likes of McDonalds and Burger King. The Blizzard franchise are very similar in this regard, as they have been consistently building and getting better in terms of this rebuild, to the point where they can now solidify a respectable SHL roster. Moreover, Wendy’s most famous product, the “Frosty” is a frozen treat, which directly connects with the arctic logo and branding that Edmonton has rolled with for quite some amount of time.


Los Angeles Panthers – In-N-Out Burger
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The In-N-Out Burger chain is one of the most beloved and highly rated chains among fast-food consumers. It has become a staple in the West Coast, and it has arguably become the symbol for California fast-food for many across the country. The Panthers have one of the most beloved brandings in the entire league, and have also been able to produce a competitive team for many seasons in recently memory. Though Portland moved to San Francisco, they have remained the pinnacle representation for California in the SHL thus far, and such appreciation and success allows In-N-Out Burger to be the perfect equivalent of their franchise.

San Francisco Pride – Arby’s
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Arby’s proudly and famously states that “We have the meats” which directly connects with a lion’s love and desire to consume all types of flesh possible. This is obviously a very superficial connection between both the franchise and restaurant. However, there is a deeper rational for this equivalency and that’s the underrated nature between both organizations. For the very solid quality food Arby produces, it absolutely seemed to be underrated and underappreciated by many, not to mention that there aren’t a great many of them around the country, at least compared to other restaurant chains. The Pride have been this season’s biggest surprise and perhaps such a job by Grapehead has gone unnoticed to some around the league when it really shouldn’t be. By no means are they an elite team or are producing a great product, but a solid and underrated one, nevertheless.


Seattle Riot – Panda Express
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As much as I wanted to use Starbucks here, the Riot are simply not good enough from a competitive standpoint to compare them to such awesome coffee. Panda Express is pretty low-quality Chinese food and typically makes people go to the bathroom after consuming their food. However, there is no doubt that these motherfuckers are popping up everywhere at a rapid pace, making it one of the more growing and evolving restaurant chains in the country. Seattle’s roster quality might be trash for the most part currently, but their growth potential and horde of picks gives them a lot of potential, and aligns them quite well with the current growth and quality of Panda Express. Perhaps down the line with some excellent usage of their draft selections, a Starbucks comparison will be more reasonable and logical.


Texas Renegades – Burger King
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The Renegades were one of the worst teams in the SHL this past-season, making it quite easy to equate them to Burger King, given that they serve some of the worst fast-food among the major chains. However, there is an additional reason that I establish this equivalency. According to a 2012 report by QSR Magazine, Burger King is the most likely of the major fast-food chains to screw up your order, at a whopping (no pun intended) 17%. The Renegades just experienced and committed the biggest screw up a team can make (even though it was 100% accidental and probably should’ve been reduced in punishment) by tampering and costing themselves their next three first round draft selections. It’s this similarity that caused me to select Burger King as the current restaurant chain equivalent of the Renegades, though it’s unfortunate that this had to occur via an honest mistake by a new General Manager.

Winnipeg Jets – Sonic
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Sonic produces some really excellent food, which is acknowledged by those who eat there often, even though they aren’t the largest chain out there. Winnipeg has been one of the very best SHL teams over the past few seasons, as evidenced by their capture of the Challenge Cup last season, so from a pure quality standpoint, Sonic certainly fits the bill. Another reason this connection makes sense is through the names of each organization. Whenever I think of Sonic, I typically think of a supersonic jet, which is obviously the nickname for the Winnipeg franchise in the SHL. It’s for these minor but logical reasons that I think Sonic makes the most sense for the Winnipeg Jets, as their restaurant equivalent.


That concludes my article and idea that will surely backfire, but fuck it, this was a ton of fun to write and allowed me to use my creative juices at a significant capacity. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I’m looking forward to the many obvious ideas I completely overlooked or never entered my mind to begin with.


Word count: 1903

This post has been edited by Winter is Coming: Jan 12 2018, 11:28 PM

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r1c3bowl22
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:12 PM
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I'm actually mad you insist on bringing up shit that happened in the past, regarding West Kendall. Of course some really invested new members will find out about that, but that's not something you should be pushing in public like this.

Shame on you. Get a grip.

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Winter is Coming
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:13 PM
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QUOTE (r1c3bowl22 @ Jan 12 2018, 11:12 PM)
I'm actually mad you insist on bringing up shit that happened in the past, regarding West Kendall. Of course some really invested new members will find out about that, but that's not something you should be pushing in public like this.

Shame on you. Get a grip.

It was an honest joke, if it was in bad taste, then I apologize. I didn't realize that it would bother some so greatly. I'll happily edit the article, since I value your opinion.

This post has been edited by Winter is Coming: Jan 12 2018, 11:15 PM

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tweedlebrumm
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:17 PM
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I feel kinda swagger jacked atm.

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tweedlebrumm
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:20 PM
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Some pretty good ones here, Texas shoulda been Wataburger tho

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Winter is Coming
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:21 PM
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QUOTE (tweedlebrumm @ Jan 12 2018, 11:20 PM)
Some pretty good ones here, Texas shoulda been Wataburger tho

I was 100% going to do that but Texas just isn't good enough this moment to justify it tbh.

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tweedlebrumm
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:22 PM
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QUOTE (Winter is Coming @ Jan 12 2018, 08:21 PM)

I was 100% going to do that but Texas just isn't good enough this moment to justify it tbh.


You're right Burger King is pretty bad, Waffle House would of been solid for Texas also.

Taco Bell for WKP. Give you the same shit in a different tortilla but always pretty good.

This post has been edited by tweedlebrumm: Jan 12 2018, 11:25 PM

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karlssens
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:28 PM
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haha, awesome article! I was gunna say DQ for the Blizzard, because of their signature dessert item, the Blizzard, but Wendy's works equally well. Whatcha gunna compare next?

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Grapehead
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:28 PM
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lol

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Winter is Coming
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:29 PM
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QUOTE (karlssens @ Jan 12 2018, 11:28 PM)
haha, awesome article! I was gunna say DQ for the Blizzard, because of their signature dessert item, the Blizzard, but Wendy's works equally well. Whatcha gunna compare next?

Fuuuuuuck DQ, would've been a good one. I knew there were at least a few teams that I could've made just as good, if not better options.

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Samee
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:30 PM
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 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:32 PM
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Four thumbs way down.

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Winter is Coming
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:33 PM
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QUOTE (Dangles13 @ Jan 12 2018, 11:32 PM)
Four thumbs way down.

Hey, I tried my best. Can't please everyone. http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/sad/sad0065.gif

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tweedlebrumm
 Posted: Jan 12 2018, 11:35 PM
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QUOTE (karlssens @ Jan 12 2018, 08:28 PM)
haha, awesome article! I was gunna say DQ for the Blizzard, because of their signature dessert item, the Blizzard, but Wendy's works equally well. Whatcha gunna compare next?


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